Commentaries:
Barnes' Notes
One that ruleth well his own house - This implies that a minister of the gospel would be, and ought to be, a married man. It is everywhere in the New Testament supposed that he would be a man who could be an example in all the relations of life. The position which he occupies in the church has a strong resemblance to the relation which a father sustains to his household; and a qualification to govern a family well, would be an evidence of a qualification to preside properly in the church. It is probable that, in the early Christian church, ministers were not unfrequently taken from those of mature life, and who were, at the time, at the head of families; and, of course, such would be men who had had an opportunity of showing that they had this qualification for the office. Though, however, this cannot be insisted on now as a "previous" qualification for the office, yet it is still true that, if he has a family, it is a necessary qualification, and that a man in the ministry "should be" one who governs his own house well. A want of this will always be a hindrance to extensive usefulness.
Having his children in subjection with all gravity - This does not mean that his "children" should evince gravity, whatever may be true on that point; but it refers "to the father." He should be a grave or serious man in his family; a man free from levity of character, and from frivolity and fickleness, in his conversation with his children. It does not mean that he should be severe, stern, morose - which are traits that are often mistaken for gravity, and which are as inconsistent with the proper spirit of a father as frivolity of manner - but that he should be a serious and sober-minded man. He should maintain proper "dignity" ( ́ semnotēs ); he should maintain self-respect, and his deportment should be such as to inspire others with respect for him.
Other Barnes' Notes entries containing 1 Timothy 3:4:
Matthew 8:14-15
Acts 20:28
Romans 12:8
1 Corinthians 1:16
1 Corinthians 1:16
Philippians 4:8
1 Timothy 3:2
1 Timothy 3:8
1 Timothy 3:11
1 Timothy 3:11
1 Timothy 3:12
1 Timothy 3:16
1 Timothy 3:16
1 Timothy 5:17
2 Timothy 2:2
Titus 1:6
Titus 2:7
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