What the Bible says about Breach in Relationship
(From Forerunner Commentary)
The word "reconciled" in verse 11 is katallasso, which specifically refers to mutual reconciliation, that is, "a return to harmony." However, the force here is a little different. Paul is speaking to a wife who has decided to leave her husband. The apostle is emphasizing that the onus of reconciliation rests on the one who departs, who leaves the relationship. Reading between the lines, the scenario is that the husband does not want to divorce. The wife separated on her own; she took the initiative to separate.
In such a case, Paul says she should either make every effort to reconcile—it should be her chief priority—or she must be willing to remain alone until the marriage is dissolved by death. The critical part is that, because she left, she should be the one to pursue reconciliation the hardest.
Another detail to note is that Paul does not imply she is at fault. The husband's words or actions may have caused her to leave. But, because she decided to leave, she must take the initiative to be reconciled.
Every time the Bible speaks of the reconciliation of people, the responsibility to reconcile is always on us, not on the other person. We should take the lead in reconciling ourselves with our brethren. It is never the other person's job. We are the ones reading the Bible and growing into the image of Christ, so we should do the hard work of reconciling. If two brethren are reading the same scriptures, they should be responding to the commands the same way with the same initiative to solve the problem.
So, God never gives us the "out" that reconciliation is the other party's responsibility. In this marriage case, its weight rests mainly on the wife because of her actions in leaving and the assumption that the husband desired reconciliation. He did not leave the marriage. He is already doing what he is supposed to do. The apostle is stressing that the person who has departed should attempt to reconcile.
The responsibility to do this sort of thing is very heavy. It is something we must do. Enmity between brethren—especially as close as mates!—should not be shrugged off. It must be taken care of. It takes a lot of effort and determination, but it must be done! We cannot allow such a breach between brethren to stagnate. If they lie unresolved, they will worsen; the gap between the two parties will widen. And we do not want what comes with that.
Richard T. Ritenbaugh
The Cost of Reconciliation
What Paul means in this passage becomes clear when we understand the sense and usage of two Greek words, those translated as “win” and “save.” In the evangelical world, both of them have taken on lives of their own, but with just a little digging, we will see that no contradiction lies between this passage and the numerous other clear statements.
The word translated as “win” is kerdaino (Strong's #2770), and its basic meaning is “gain,” which is how it is typically translated. It means “to acquire by effort or investment.” It can mean “to earn” or “to make a profit.” The flipside is that it can also mean “to cause a loss not to occur.”
This word is used infrequently, but the verses that contain it are well known. For example, Jesus uses it when He cautions against gaining the whole world yet losing one's own soul (Matthew 16:26; Mark 8:36; Luke 9:27). The gain is a physical or material one—it is not speaking of evangelizing the whole world. It also appears in the Parable of the Talents, where two of the servants gain more talents through their efforts and investments (Matthew 25:16-22).
Kerdaino is also found in the well-known Matthew 18:15, where Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” The gaining here is not about “winning” someone “for Christ.” When we gain our brother, we are gaining a better relationship. We are keeping a breach in the relationship from continuing. We receive a profit, as it were, by enhancing theconnection or bond between us. There is no implication that we are opening his mind to the mysteries of God's Kingdom. It simply means that after bringing a sin to his attention, if he hears and receives us, then we have gained our brother because the relationship has been restored.
David C. Grabbe
Can We Win People For Christ?