Topical Studies
What the Bible says about
Passive Aggressive Behavior
(From Forerunner Commentary)
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Proverbs 26:24-26
Anger can be outwardly visible, but it can also show up in ways that are subtle, indirect, and deceptive. Proverbs 26:24-26 provides an example of this: He who hates, disguises it with his lips, and lays up deceit within himself; when he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness will be revealed before the assembly. Solomon describes a hateful individual, and in such a person, the related works of the flesh—contention, jealousy, selfish ambitions, and dissension—also probably exist. An "outburst of wrath" is also here, but not in the way that we would normally think. Everything this person does is his "outburst of wrath," except that it is more like a tamped-down volcanic eruption in slow motion. It oozes out rather than explodes. It does not possess visual or verbal intensity, nor is there obvious fury or violence. The anger, malice, and violence are hidden and smooth (see Proverbs 10:18). The anger can only be observed by its effect on others rather than in full-bore, red-faced fury resulting in bloodshed. The injuries from this individual are not physical; his aggression may be quite passive. Nevertheless, his anger still reaches out and attempts to destroy, though he may not even be aware of what is happening nor admit to being angry. Something similar is found in Proverbs 6:12-15 (The Amplified Bible): A worthless person, a wicked man, is he who goes about with a perverse (contrary, wayward) mouth. He winks with his eyes, he speaks by shuffling or tapping with his feet, he makes signs [to mislead and deceive] and teaches with his fingers. Willful and contrary in his heart, he devises trouble, vexation, and evil continually; he lets loose discord and sows it. Therefore upon him shall the crushing weight of calamity come suddenly; suddenly shall he be broken, and that without remedy. These people have something burning inside them, motivating them to the wickedness described in both proverbs. Something impels them to carry out their plans, regardless of the cost to others, and they may even rejoice at the price others must pay (Proverbs 17:5; 21:10). These are angry individuals, but their anger is hidden and finds its way out in subtle and creative ways. Proverbs 16:29-30 speaks of "a violent man [who] entices his neighbor, and leads him in a way that is not good. He winks his eye to devise perverse things; he purses his lips [as if in concealment] and brings about evil."
David C. Grabbe
Hidden Anger (Part Two)
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Proverbs 26:24-26
Secular sociologists and psychologists have done extensive research and observation on most human behaviors, the various forms of anger being no exception. During World War II, military psychologists first used the term "passive-aggressive" to denote the behavior of soldiers who displayed passive resistance and reluctant compliance to orders. While "passive-aggressive" may sound like a person who switches between extremes—first passive, then aggressive—it actually describes one who is aggressive but in a passive, hidden, subtle way. According to these scientists' findings, such aggression—anger, wrath, malice, hatred—may manifest in "striking out" at others in ways that would not normally be considered violent. In their definition, passive aggression can include behaviors such as verbal ambiguity or mixed messages; avoiding responsibility; blaming others; chronic lateness and forgetfulness to avoid an obligation; complaining and general negativity; intentional inefficiency; avoiding verbal or emotional intimacy; not trusting others; manipulation and control of others; superficial submissiveness; back-handed compliments; fault-finding as a defense against getting too close; withholding information; showing displeasure by not conforming to expectations or standards; focusing discontentment on authority figures (employer, parent, teacher, even a spouse who has taken on the parental role); envy and resentment of peers who succeed or are viewed positively by authority figures; obstructing or sabotaging the plans of others; sullenness or sulking; and procrastination when assigned a task that is disliked. At the root of these behaviors is unresolved anger, frequently from childhood and adolescence. Researchers have found that individuals exhibiting passive-aggressive traits often began doing so due to a "power struggle" with a parent. When that primary relationship is dysfunctional, the child of a harsh or intractable parent finds other ways of "expressing" himself—ways to "even the score" without doing anything that really crosses the line. If these patterns of subtly exhibiting anger become ingrained, they carry through into adult relationships and occupations. They become the "normal" way of dealing with things that make the person uncomfortable or if "unreasonable" expectations are put upon him. Latent anger becomes the lens through which the individual sees the world, and passive-aggressive behavior becomes second nature. Thus Paul twice specifically counsels fathers "not [to] provoke your children to wrath" (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). As we noted, wrath can be open and obvious or subtle and hidden, and it can acquire targets unrelated to the source. Anger, malice, hatred, and wrath are habits. They are learned and practiced. By the same token, they can be broken and replaced with appropriate and godly responses. Jesus Christ came to fulfill the prophecy in Isaiah 61:1, which includes "healing the brokenhearted" (see Luke 4:18). That healing, if we are willing, includes emotional wounds—"broken hearts"—as well as physical ailments. When we become aware of areas where our hearts are "broken"—areas where they have sustained injury or where we can see they do not work as God's heart does—it is appropriate to take this before God, acknowledge the brokenness, and ask for His healing. Sometimes the healing is instant, and other times it is a process that can take a long time.
David C. Grabbe
Hidden Anger (Part Three)
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Romans 12:17-19
The apostle Paul warns against anger and its cousins in nearly all of his epistles. But how he handles the topic requires extra consideration. For example, in Romans 12:17-19, he writes: Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. He had earlier commended the Romans because of their reputation for great faith (Romans 1:8). It does not seem plausible that these faithful Christians in Rome were tracking down their enemies, Dirty Harry-style, and exacting vigilante justice. The "evil," "wrath," and "vengeance" about which Paul warns do not have to be so dramatic. They could be as simple as repaying one little morsel of gossip with another little bit of hearsay. It could manifest itself in saying something perfectly true about someone else but is not appropriate or helpful to say because godly love covers a multitude of sins. But anger and its ilk can be manifested in little ways—in secret ways—in which no fury is observed, and maybe only a little damage is done, perhaps just enough to bring another down to size. The congregation at Ephesus he admonishes to put away "bitterness, wrath, anger, [quarreling], and evil speaking" (Ephesians 4:31). Similarly, in Colossians 3:8, he says to put off "anger, wrath, and malice." How were these attributes showing up? The Ephesians and Colossians were probably neither burning down their neighbors' stables nor poisoning their donkeys. Today, we do not hear of church members slashing the tires of other members' cars or of church services ending in fistfights. These manifestations, which we might think of when we hear of anger, wrath, and malice, would be crossing the line into the absurd for a converted church member. Yet, Paul makes a point to mention these same elements of anger seemingly wherever he went. Why? The simple fact is there are many manifestations of anger, many applications of malice, and many degrees of intensity and visibility of wrath. Regardless of the details, however, a person's ungodly anger can only destroy himself and others. If he does not deal with and remove it, it may escape in various guises to carry out its carnage (see Proverbs 29:22). Hidden anger can show up in purposeful unfaithfulness in commitments, leaving another person hanging. It may foster little bits of chaos in other people's environments. It might reveal itself in intentional procrastination for the sake of keeping others off balance or in doing a task poorly because the individual did not want to do it in the first place. It can manifest itself in refraining from doing good when it is in a person's power to do so. It may be disclosed by giving mixed messages for the sake of leaving other people confused or withholding necessary information as a way of "punishing" another and leaving him at a disadvantage. It might arise in secretly rejoicing at another's calamity or pouting when things go well for a rival. These things may seem minor initially, but consider what it would be like to live with a being with these attributes for eternity. When we consider that the heart is behind the anger, whether subtle or obvious, we can see why God says that those who practice such things—those who make a habit of anger and its cousins—will not fit in His Family. In contrast, Jesus says that His disciples are those who love one another. They look out for the well-being of others, even if it requires personal sacrifice. Such love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not think evil, and does not rejoice in iniquity (see I Corinthians 13).
David C. Grabbe
Hidden Anger (Part Two)
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